The Gravedancers

Next time I am sitting around a campfire, tell me a ghost story that is at least slightly comparable to The Gravedancers.

It’s a very simple story; three friends at a pal’s funeral get drunk and dance on graves. They read a poem that awakes some ghosts. This might be nice if you danced on Auntie Ethel’s burial place and she came back to make you cookies, but they didn’t do that. They danced on a rapist, murderer and a child pyro.

The hauntings are generic (not in a bad way); let’s throw some bodies, torch some numbskulls and axe the fuck out of a married couple. However, I want so badly to post a photo of the ghosts in this movie, but I won’t simply because that is, in and of itself, a key reason to watch this movie. I can’t remember ever seeing creatures or spirits constructed quite like this before – originality is always a win. They’ve been created with makeup and convincing prosthetics rather than CGI and robotics. There’s something quite special about having a real actor inside the character.

Nothing is skimped on when it comes to the destruction of the set. The cast and crew clearly went all out to make this look as realistic as possible. The house that the friends find themselves in (after contacting paranormal investigators for help) is ripped apart.

For those of you who don’t enjoy a good dose of cheese every now and then, don’t let the screen door hit you on the ass on your way out. This is, after all, a ghost story! Don’t expect some booming ending that doesn’t involve a slight, “Oh yeah right!” moment.

Though I’ve watched this movie several times over the past few years, I can’t say anything about the cinematography really stood out for setting the mood. The cameras were placed where they were supposed to be to capture each scene and that’s about it – no extra effort was made in that area as far as I’m concerned. They have a nice colour-scheme when the ghosts show up, but I don’t think that makes basic angles your dad could pull off at Christmas stand out.

This movie will easily become a favourite for those who enjoyed ‘Poltergeist’ and ‘Drag Me to Hell’.

The House of the Devil

From the second the music started, I had a huge grin on my face. I’ve seen newer horror movies that throwback to the style used in the 80’s and I’ve seen ones that are set in the 80’s, but I can honestly say I’ve never seen a horror movie that looks so amazingly 80’s I started drooling. That is, until I started The House of the Devil.

A young university girl needs to make some money. After responding to an ad for a babysitter, Samantha finds out she’s actually going to be watching an elderly woman; against her friend Megan’s better judgement, she agrees and is left with the promise of lots of cash and the number for a good pizza place. This sounds great, right? Wrong... the family really just want to use her in their Satanic ritual. I hope Samantha didn’t have anything else on her agenda.

The atmosphere is ghostly from the moment the movie opens. Our characters are each perfectly groomed to look their parts which they pull off with delicate accuracy. They’re so believable, in fact, that within the first few minutes I could draw parallels between them and people I actually knew. I love when that happens.

The build up in this movie is too perfect. Ti West wasted no time in cranking up the creepy and keeping it maxed out throughout the entire film. Movies that put you on edge and make up feel uncomfortable when you’re sitting in your living room are hard to come by and completely worth the watch when you manage to find them.

If you’re looking for something fast paced with tons of gore this is not the film for you. But if you like a smart distinctive horror movie that’s full of character, The House of the Devil will not disappoint.

Mutants

Usually while I watch movies I’m browsing the net, drinking, talking on the phone or being otherwise preoccupied in some way; however, when a movie grabs me the way David Morlet’s ‘Mutants’ did, I tend to stop what I’m doing and place all my attention on the screen.

While I realize that the concept of flesh eaters is old; it’s a classic. Don’t neglect a new (2009) movie based on the fact that the basis of it has been done before. Never forget that some things are cliché for a reason, and an infected person hell-bent on munching their buddies is something that never gets old.

The cinematography is 50/50; there’s nothing better than a movie with cold, crisp colouring and ‘spy-vision’ camera angles to suck you in. Although, the first-person moments really add some shock value when dealing with injured characters and violent bloody spasms, they get a little dizzying and annoying when shot from a distance. It almost seems as though the cameraman had one too many double espressos.

The cast itself is fucking brilliant! I loved the acting; it’s realistic and panic-stricken, even during calmer moments. Inner conflicts come out beautifully rational and fear seems real. Not to mention that vomiting actually looks like vomiting, suicide is an option and the process of going from human to mutant is the best I’ve seen in a long time.

While other movies with similar transformations happen quickly to build excitement and get your blood (as well as the victims’) flowing, ‘Mutants’ manages to build and maintain a level of discomfort while watching the lengthy transformation; think of how you would feel as you’re becoming the very thing you’re running from. Not only does it look painful, but quite psychologically damaging, too. Plus pulling out my own teeth is something that always made me uncomfortable, anyway.

I’m not exactly a fan of the creatures after the transformation; I think their look could have used some polishing and the noises they make are far too animalistic for my liking. When they get on the move, they remind me quite heavily of the ‘28 Days Later’ monsters and while that might not be a bad thing, I think given the talented actors, some variations in the mannerisms could have been easily accomplished.

‘Mutants’ is going in my rewatch pile and I’ll be suckering anyone I can into watching it with me; it’s a fun take on a horror tradition.

Side note from Chris:
“That shot would have taken out like three of them, if that’s a shotgun!”

The Hills Run Red

I always like the idea of horror movies being true, so after reading the synopsis of The Hills Run Red, I got my hands on it and watched with anticipation.
Even the poster is a copy!

We open with the creation of our slasher star, Babyface. It’s got some nice gore and scissors-to-the-face shots, so it’s a shame it’s never shown to us without cuts. It’s clear that Babyface is suppose to be every slasher murderer before him and it doesn’t come across as anything else. His origin story has been done, his bulky, brutish appearance is hackneyed.

In short, we have a documentary crew chasing a lost horror movie, just like in John Carpenter’s Cigarette Burns, we also have a group of hicks threatening our main characters, just like in The Hills Have Eyes. The movie pays homage to a lot of really great, and some really bad movies. They even include a ‘wishbone’ scene a la Fulci’s Demonia! Go watch that instead.

The characters are almost too predictable, but the actors all execute their individual roles fairly well, so I did my best to overlook the whiney chick that’s fucking her boyfriend’s best friend but getting mad when her boyfriend is hanging around a cute blonde...blah blah blah. That being said, during some of the torture scenes the acting comes across nicely and the blood mixes well with real tears.

I think the movie is alright, but when you get right down to it, it’s just a cute mix of better movies that came before it.

Deadgirl

We’ve all had those teenage problems; can’t get a date, can’t get laid. And we’ve all had that fantasy of the girl/guy of your dreams being gagged, bound and generally just a zombified fuck toy. No? Just me? No!

Created in the twisted mind of Trent Haaga, ‘Deadgirl’ is about two unpopular teenage boys named Rickie and J.T. who get drunk and stumble across a ‘zombie’ in an abandoned asylum. Rather than call the police or her (possibly) worried family, the boys decide to keep her. They fuck her and kill her over and over again. I’m quite sure you could have a drinking game based entirely around how many times the main characters’ names are said. Nevertheless, it’s an amazingly fun little tale about the trials and tribulations of coming of age.

Sure, we have actors obviously in their mid twenties playing 16 and 17 year olds, but we also have people fucking a zombie, so let’s not lose sight of the bigger, better picture. But the acting isn’t terrible; and by the end there are moments where you actually find yourself feeling for the characters that are ravaging the corpse. In fact, the ending makes the entire film in my mind, and since I refuse to spoil it for those who haven’t seen ‘Deadgirl’, I can’t say too much about it. Suffice to say, however, it’s exactly what should have happened.

There’s not a lot of gore, there are a few laughs and there’s an ending that does exactly what the end of a story should do, leave you feeling complete and pleased with how the events went.

Side note:
There really is a lot more I can say about ‘Deadgirl’, but rather than hype up a movie that can simply come down to a matter of taste, I’ve stripped my opinion down to the bare essentials.