Horror Peepshow

Orphan

2010-06-05T14:54:00.000-07:00

I love the concept of killer kids. I’m a huge fan of the original Omen and am fairly certain that I will never be able to comfortably watch a child innocently playing with her doll or swinging on a swing and singing softly without it causing me to get an axe. However, I wasn’t expecting much from this movie. Partially because it had a wide spread hype and I tend to not believe the opinions of others because other people are unintelligent and easily amused.

After the stillbirth of their third child, a family tries to move forward with their plans of family extension by visiting an orphanage; this is usually a bad idea, if we choose to believe precedent – all stillbirths in horror movies lead to something even worse. A little Russian girl makes an instant connection with the parents-to-be; after they learn of her tragic past, the deal is sealed and she becomes the third and final child.

While the starring couple have their obvious problems based around the stillbirth of their child (alcoholism, extramarital affairs) they seem to be getting along fairly well and Esther seems perfectly normal for a child with such a tragic past. We quickly see that she’s a little more monstrous than we first anticipated.

Isabelle Fuhrman (Esther) is an amazing little actress and backed by Vera Farmiga, the emotions in this movie are entirely believable. They carry the movie in such a way that I felt it difficult to critique the other actors; basically they were good by association.

The body count is low and I wasn’t overly impressed with the style or timing of the kills. However, the evil acts Esther commits in order to make herself look pitiful (breaking her own arm) more than compensate. This coupled with the performance she gives to pit the parents against one another, single-out the already weak mother and attempt at paternal seduction make the movie worth a watch, despite the lack of abundant gore.

The twist at the end of the film makes this movie completely different from others of its kind. There’s no astonishingly demonic spirit or curse that is making Esther this way. It’s just who she is. And who she is isn’t anything like anyone else has ever been.

The Crazies

2010-05-15T14:26:00.000-07:00

I will usually bash on remakes for the simple fact that they’re remakes; I know this is wrong and unreasonable. There have been some (read: very few) interesting and enjoyable re-imaginings of films that ended up being better then, or at least comparable to, the originals.

I was a child when I first saw Romero’s ‘The Crazies’, and I wasn’t exactly in love with it; years later I rewatched it hoping that I had missed something by being an adolescent with the attention span of a squirrel with a caffeine addiction. I didn’t.

Being a huge Romero fan, I find it exceedingly difficult to pick his movies apart. Even when I have issues with continuity (which usually ruins a movie) I just accept it and move along. Romero’s version of ‘The Crazies’ was obviously his, it stunk of his ‘Living Dead’ series to the point that I felt it was a way for him to express ideas and scenarios that just wouldn’t have fit into that set of films. This meant that character development and storyline suffered in a film that otherwise had a fairly decent plot. Considering all the aforementioned, I started watching Breck Eisner’s refurbished ‘The Crazies’ hoping that Eisner excelled in the areas Romero was deficient in.

I’m guessing that Eisner saved a lot of money having most of the movie shot in the worst lighting possible. I have no idea who came up with the ridiculous concept that not being able to see something makes it scarier. While I can fully understand this may be true in real life, movies aren’t real life and shouldn’t be treated as such. ‘The Crazies’ (remake) tries so very hard to be atmospheric; I tried desperately to allow myself to be enveloped by the darkness and become lost in the silhouettes, waiting for the occasional burst of flames or flicker of light. It gave me a headache and made the movie barely tolerable.

I can fully understand the effect that dimly lit scenes and shaky cinematography can play in sucking you into the moment, but this was absolutely absurd. You can’t fill your plot holes with jerky camera angles in an already too-dark setting!

The acting is fairly solid, but you have to be better than solid to make up for everywhere else this movie lacks. Smashing glass and a broad that seemingly will not stop screaming no matter how hard you gag her, punch her or threaten her with a pitch-fork are major moment-ruiners on the fault of the characters. But they’re only doing as they’re (poorly) directed.

At the end of it all, I looked back on Romero’s film and came to the conclusion that while it wasn’t his best, it was still better than the remake. And really, the worst thing about this movie is that it was missing everything Romero neglected in the original. Therefore the remake is entirely pointless; if you can’t improve upon something, leave it the hell alone.

Drag Me to Hell

2010-05-07T15:23:00.000-07:00

Sam Raimi is a god when it comes to low budget horror movies. Long before anyone would have given him the time of day for things like ‘Spiderman’ he was blessing the horror community with Evil Dead. While I’d love to scold and berate him for leaving us for what seemed like an eternity, I don’t have his number. If I did, I highly doubt I’d say anything vaguely rude or critical; I might beg him to let me touch him. But then he’d feel awkward.

Drag Me to Hell is everything you need in a horror-comedy. It’s flat out balls-to-the-wall enjoyable. You will laugh and you will cringe (old broads gumming your face because she can’t keep her damn dentures in her mouth is pretty cringe-worthy).

I feel like this review is slowly becoming an ‘I adore Sam Raimi’ rant, so I feel the need to pick out some flaws:
-CGI sucks (but it wasn’t used to excess and there was still a lot of ‘old school’ horror effects.
- No Bruce Campbell (couldn’t we at least have a cameo? I realize he’s become fat and unappealing on a widescreen, but I want what I want)

I wasn’t a fan of the interaction between the male and female lead roles. While I thoroughly enjoyed Alison Lohman as the cursed Christine Brown, I found myself having a hard time accepting Justin Long as her over-the-top understanding boyfriend. From an outside perspective Christine is losing her mind. She’s seeing goats and screaming at door, throwing glass and has on the whole lost her marbles. Even the best of significant others would need a little break or would seek mental help for their loved one, at the very least. That being said, if he didn’t pay for the séance because of being pussy-whipped, the movie wouldn’t have had such a gobsmackingly hilarious straight-outta-Evil-Dead dancing possessed guy. So I cope with the overly understanding boyfriend.
I love Raimi’s style, I love his sense of humour and his ability to blend horror and comedy into a brilliant concoction with just enough cheese to make you giggle. He sprinkles it with suspense and sticks a big bloody, oozing bow on top.

Black Sheep

2010-04-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

Peter Jackson has some homeland rivalry. New Zealand born Jonathan King has rejuvenated my faith in Kiwi horror.

In a rural farm town in New Zealand you’d expect to find sheep, but would you expect to find zombie weresheep? I would. But I’ve been told I watch far too many horror films. This isn’t true, but I digress.

Character development is pretty obvious this time around; our cowardly character becomes the hero and his evil brother is black to the core. Personally I don’t mind when a movie doesn’t try to give me any false hope. Black Sheep is what it is and gets right to the point. Why bother pissing around with pesky character development when you can just stick to the status quo and give the people what they really want.
Of course, when it comes to many horror fans, what they really want is blood, guts and gore. So blow off some heads (shotguns are my absolute favourite for this kind of thing), toss in some people being ripped apart (by sheep) and how about some lab experiments to explain just what the hell is going on!

And now that I come to that point, just what the hell is going on? We have no set rules when it comes to weresheep. While I can extrapolate that it’s something similar to zombies or werewolves (shot to the head/silver bullet) the movie never really goes overboard in its explanations. I like this.

Watch it, it’s not half baaaad. (Sorry.)

Trick 'r' Treat

2010-04-02T17:08:00.000-07:00

How about a movie that contains four stories around people who have little to no holiday spirit when it comes to the best time of the year. Halloween!

Ok, that sounds a bit boring. But, how about they get what's coming to them in 80's horror style?
That's Michael Dougherty's Trick 'r Treat".

It was entertaining and fun without slapping on a huge plot like so many other movies. To be honest I usually can't be arsed to pay attention to a lot of films for too long, but with a run time of just over an hour, this one managed to keep me entertained without leading me to look at my watch (I don’t wear a watch, anyway.)

The spirit of the movie was steeped in the excitement and anticipation you feel as a child every October. It honestly makes me I wish I was still in an age bracket that allowed me to beg for food door-to-door without having the police called.

It's not scary, but that doesn't stop it from being a fun ride. The stories have been done before and hence there is a slight originality lacking from the final product.

I’ll label this specifically as a popcorn movie; you really need to just relax and watch it without allowing yourself to over-think. In the beginning it can be a bit confusing as you’re expecting everything to funnel down into one story. That’s not the case, accept it from the beginning and enjoy the feeling of the season.

The Gravedancers

2010-03-08T14:13:00.000-08:00

Next time I am sitting around a campfire, tell me a ghost story that is at least slightly comparable to The Gravedancers.

It’s a very simple story; three friends at a pal’s funeral get drunk and dance on graves. They read a poem that awakes some ghosts. This might be nice if you danced on Auntie Ethel’s burial place and she came back to make you cookies, but they didn’t do that. They danced on a rapist, murderer and a child pyro.

The hauntings are generic (not in a bad way); let’s throw some bodies, torch some numbskulls and axe the fuck out of a married couple. However, I want so badly to post a photo of the ghosts in this movie, but I won’t simply because that is, in and of itself, a key reason to watch this movie. I can’t remember ever seeing creatures or spirits constructed quite like this before – originality is always a win. They’ve been created with makeup and convincing prosthetics rather than CGI and robotics. There’s something quite special about having a real actor inside the character.

Nothing is skimped on when it comes to the destruction of the set. The cast and crew clearly went all out to make this look as realistic as possible. The house that the friends find themselves in (after contacting paranormal investigators for help) is ripped apart.

For those of you who don’t enjoy a good dose of cheese every now and then, don’t let the screen door hit you on the ass on your way out. This is, after all, a ghost story! Don’t expect some booming ending that doesn’t involve a slight, “Oh yeah right!” moment.

Though I’ve watched this movie several times over the past few years, I can’t say anything about the cinematography really stood out for setting the mood. The cameras were placed where they were supposed to be to capture each scene and that’s about it – no extra effort was made in that area as far as I’m concerned. They have a nice colour-scheme when the ghosts show up, but I don’t think that makes basic angles your dad could pull off at Christmas stand out.

This movie will easily become a favourite for those who enjoyed ‘Poltergeist’ and ‘Drag Me to Hell’.

The House of the Devil

2010-03-05T14:25:00.000-08:00

From the second the music started, I had a huge grin on my face. I’ve seen newer horror movies that throwback to the style used in the 80’s and I’ve seen ones that are set in the 80’s, but I can honestly say I’ve never seen a horror movie that looks so amazingly 80’s I started drooling. That is, until I started The House of the Devil.

A young university girl needs to make some money. After responding to an ad for a babysitter, Samantha finds out she’s actually going to be watching an elderly woman; against her friend Megan’s better judgement, she agrees and is left with the promise of lots of cash and the number for a good pizza place. This sounds great, right? Wrong... the family really just want to use her in their Satanic ritual. I hope Samantha didn’t have anything else on her agenda.

The atmosphere is ghostly from the moment the movie opens. Our characters are each perfectly groomed to look their parts which they pull off with delicate accuracy. They’re so believable, in fact, that within the first few minutes I could draw parallels between them and people I actually knew. I love when that happens.

The build up in this movie is too perfect. Ti West wasted no time in cranking up the creepy and keeping it maxed out throughout the entire film. Movies that put you on edge and make up feel uncomfortable when you’re sitting in your living room are hard to come by and completely worth the watch when you manage to find them.

If you’re looking for something fast paced with tons of gore this is not the film for you. But if you like a smart distinctive horror movie that’s full of character, The House of the Devil will not disappoint.

Mutants

2010-03-01T11:55:00.000-08:00

Usually while I watch movies I’m browsing the net, drinking, talking on the phone or being otherwise preoccupied in some way; however, when a movie grabs me the way David Morlet’s ‘Mutants’ did, I tend to stop what I’m doing and place all my attention on the screen.

While I realize that the concept of flesh eaters is old; it’s a classic. Don’t neglect a new (2009) movie based on the fact that the basis of it has been done before. Never forget that some things are cliché for a reason, and an infected person hell-bent on munching their buddies is something that never gets old.

The cinematography is 50/50; there’s nothing better than a movie with cold, crisp colouring and ‘spy-vision’ camera angles to suck you in. Although, the first-person moments really add some shock value when dealing with injured characters and violent bloody spasms, they get a little dizzying and annoying when shot from a distance. It almost seems as though the cameraman had one too many double espressos.

The cast itself is fucking brilliant! I loved the acting; it’s realistic and panic-stricken, even during calmer moments. Inner conflicts come out beautifully rational and fear seems real. Not to mention that vomiting actually looks like vomiting, suicide is an option and the process of going from human to mutant is the best I’ve seen in a long time.

While other movies with similar transformations happen quickly to build excitement and get your blood (as well as the victims’) flowing, ‘Mutants’ manages to build and maintain a level of discomfort while watching the lengthy transformation; think of how you would feel as you’re becoming the very thing you’re running from. Not only does it look painful, but quite psychologically damaging, too. Plus pulling out my own teeth is something that always made me uncomfortable, anyway.

I’m not exactly a fan of the creatures after the transformation; I think their look could have used some polishing and the noises they make are far too animalistic for my liking. When they get on the move, they remind me quite heavily of the ‘28 Days Later’ monsters and while that might not be a bad thing, I think given the talented actors, some variations in the mannerisms could have been easily accomplished.

‘Mutants’ is going in my rewatch pile and I’ll be suckering anyone I can into watching it with me; it’s a fun take on a horror tradition.

Side note from Chris:
“That shot would have taken out like three of them, if that’s a shotgun!”

The Hills Run Red

2010-03-01T11:48:00.000-08:00

I always like the idea of horror movies being true, so after reading the synopsis of The Hills Run Red, I got my hands on it and watched with anticipation.
Even the poster is a copy!

We open with the creation of our slasher star, Babyface. It’s got some nice gore and scissors-to-the-face shots, so it’s a shame it’s never shown to us without cuts. It’s clear that Babyface is suppose to be every slasher murderer before him and it doesn’t come across as anything else. His origin story has been done, his bulky, brutish appearance is hackneyed.

In short, we have a documentary crew chasing a lost horror movie, just like in John Carpenter’s Cigarette Burns, we also have a group of hicks threatening our main characters, just like in The Hills Have Eyes. The movie pays homage to a lot of really great, and some really bad movies. They even include a ‘wishbone’ scene a la Fulci’s Demonia! Go watch that instead.

The characters are almost too predictable, but the actors all execute their individual roles fairly well, so I did my best to overlook the whiney chick that’s fucking her boyfriend’s best friend but getting mad when her boyfriend is hanging around a cute blonde...blah blah blah. That being said, during some of the torture scenes the acting comes across nicely and the blood mixes well with real tears.

I think the movie is alright, but when you get right down to it, it’s just a cute mix of better movies that came before it.

Deadgirl

2010-03-01T11:40:00.001-08:00

We’ve all had those teenage problems; can’t get a date, can’t get laid. And we’ve all had that fantasy of the girl/guy of your dreams being gagged, bound and generally just a zombified fuck toy. No? Just me? No!

Created in the twisted mind of Trent Haaga, ‘Deadgirl’ is about two unpopular teenage boys named Rickie and J.T. who get drunk and stumble across a ‘zombie’ in an abandoned asylum. Rather than call the police or her (possibly) worried family, the boys decide to keep her. They fuck her and kill her over and over again. I’m quite sure you could have a drinking game based entirely around how many times the main characters’ names are said. Nevertheless, it’s an amazingly fun little tale about the trials and tribulations of coming of age.

Sure, we have actors obviously in their mid twenties playing 16 and 17 year olds, but we also have people fucking a zombie, so let’s not lose sight of the bigger, better picture. But the acting isn’t terrible; and by the end there are moments where you actually find yourself feeling for the characters that are ravaging the corpse. In fact, the ending makes the entire film in my mind, and since I refuse to spoil it for those who haven’t seen ‘Deadgirl’, I can’t say too much about it. Suffice to say, however, it’s exactly what should have happened.

There’s not a lot of gore, there are a few laughs and there’s an ending that does exactly what the end of a story should do, leave you feeling complete and pleased with how the events went.

Side note:
There really is a lot more I can say about ‘Deadgirl’, but rather than hype up a movie that can simply come down to a matter of taste, I’ve stripped my opinion down to the bare essentials.